Emotional containment in psychotherapy

Although the concept of containment is considered a technical term in psychotherapy theory, you experience it in your interactions with a good friend or a close relationship with your partner.

"Emotional containment" in good friendships

One way to illustrate the concept is to reflect on the way you interact with others.

Imagine the last time you found yourself emotionally distraught about an incident….

Now imagine sitting with a close friend and notice how she's emotionally present for you. Perhaps she's gently leaning forward into the space between you, with a look of warm compassion. You sense that you have all the freedom and safety you need in order to feel what you want to feel.

As you feel safe and supported, the space around you is energetically "contained".

Now imagine talking with a less empathic friend.

She says that she wants to hear what's on your mind, but she looks distracted and makes little eye contact. She may interject a conclusion before she's heard the whole story. She might even interrupt the moment with her own problem.

You'll surely be less comfortable in saying what you need to say. You may even find yourself glossing over feelings and impressions that in your heart you know are important.

The space between you is not contained, for there is no energetic boundary. You won't disclose deeply held feelings because you feel exposed and vulnerable.

You conclude with a sense of knowingness that this is not the right person to be telling your story to.

Emotional containment explained

When two people meet, two nervous systems shake hands. That means the nervous system of others affects you - including and especially so - your therapist.

When you say you're trying to "hold it together" you're in a sense trying to "contain" that pent up energy.

If you're in session with your therapist his or her nervous system is actually making it easier for you to contain that energy for the simple reason that we're all interconnected that way. (This dynamic of course depends on your therapist having a healthier nervous system than yours 😉

A good therapist, 'contains the space' by being emotionally attuned, by maintaining clear boundaries, and by creating the sense that "you have all the time you need".

Therapists who are self-regulated are better at creating an atmosphere of connection. They are sensitive to it and can create that warm, safe feeling when the client needs it. That's because they have a strong sense of themselves through their own body.

Emotional containment and boundaries

The ability to "hold onto yourself, to feel yourself inside of you" is necessary to maintaining good boundaries. You may find for instance that it's a struggle all week just "holding it together" and by the weekend, you need to regroup.

This is when you're more easily at risk for your boundaries being crossed. The feeling of "you" is not contained.

With a good therapist - one who's nervous system is regulating well - you can learn to develop your own capacity for containment and hence, have better boundaries. (You can learn more about this concept by being on my list. Begin with my 7 Ways of Getting Unstuck in Therapy Movie.)

related topics

resources

Boundaries in Relationships (you will be taken off site)

Does containment include the "vibes" of a therapy session?

Containment means 'safety'

Containment sounds 'stifling'