An eCourse to help you understand, and get over your transference sooner. It's a developmental perspective on transference as a natural dynamic in many relationships.
Prerequisite: Be sure to have read my 3-Part article on understanding what transference is before beginning this course.
Struggling to get over your transference?
"Want to free yourself from its hold on you?"
Let me show you how to resolve your transference.
Take my free eCourse:
Getting Over Transference
Why take this course.
I'm going to assume that you're somewhat familiar with the concept of transference. You know too that if you're struggling with transference you're certainly not alone. Many clients aren't able to handle the stress.
Not all transference stories end well.
Some folks end up leaving their therapist never working through their transference. They're still haunted by the things left unsaid, actions that weren't taken and the lingering worries about why it happened to begin with.
Then there's some who continue therapy for years with no healing to speak of. Their total dependence on their therapist hasn't helped them in the least. (Note: In this course you'll learn how dependency isn't necessarily a bad thing. You just need to understand its role and how to work with it.)
Those folks with warm, caring therapists may enjoy the connection but don't understand why they they're not progressing and/or why they sometimes feel antagonistic towards their therapist.
Others experience their therapist as aloof and cold hearted. They hate going to therapy but find it hard to stop.
Whether I've described you or not, I'm going to assume you're here because so far the transference has been turning your life upside down.
Or maybe you haven't brought the subject up in your sessions and you're embarrassed by it. You're not sure where to turn.
How this Transference eCourse can help
You want answers. You want to end it, resolve it, or at least move through it faster.
Honestly, I can't promise that you can make it disappear. But I can help you make sense of it, to see it as a natural adjunct to therapy. I can even show you how to turn the transference experience to your advantage!
Over two decades of paradigm shifting research have made us see the brain in a new light. I'll highlight the breakthroughs for you, and show you the simple steps that will help you resolve your transference faster.
The Transference eCourse
Just to be up front, I created this Transference eCourse to illustrate how neuroscience and my online program 'Therapy Bootcamp' can help you achieve success in therapy.
Feel free to sign up to Therapy Bootcamp anytime in the course for much more . . .
Types of Q & A’s covered in the Transference eCourse*
I’m afraid my therapist will leave me
Oh my god............it helps so much to hear other people feeling the same! I have been in therapy for close to 12 years (twice a week), following one year in therapy where a therapist had me admitted to the hospital and had the hospital tell me that she was terminating with me. Soon after discharged I overdosed and was in the ICU for five days.
After years of being ambivalent about attaching myself to this therapist, I am terrified that she will leave me some day. I have told her that she is going to find me dead in her house when she retires......this is no joke and I am scared to death! When she goes away my symptoms are so bad and the only way I can deal with it is to overdoes on my medications and stay in bed for weeks until she returns. I just don't see a good way for a termination to happen. I only think of the pain that I will be left with and it isn't something that I will be able to manage! I just know I will die.
I keep telling her that I need a plan in place, in the event that something happens to her, and she still hasn't developed a plan for me. I think therapy just doesn't work for everyone and in some cases it makes people worse.........it provides you with one of the best relationships then takes it away. I can't even stand the thought of the pain...............I just know I will die! And I want her to know that pain.......not physically hurting her, I just want to die in front of her and have her see my pain. TJ (so distraught at the thought)
Tania, London, UK
My therapist acted on her feelings
I once had a really good therapist / alternative practitioner - After seeing her twice a week for six months, she terminated the sessions saying that she could no longer be my therapist/healer because of the way she felt about me. - I of course had real feelings of attatchment and love, but knew about transference and therefore had ignored those feelings.
She on the otherhand chose to act on hers and invited me to have a sexual relationship with her...... 10 years on we are no longer together - the relationship was short-lived on her part - but I am left unable to achieve resolution and have been left with acutely painful feelings of rejection, sadness, low self-esteem, and anger at what now feels like un-requited love.
What am I to do?
Dale, New Jersey, USA
I think about my therapist sexually
I have been in therapy for 4 months now and i am having transferrence issues. i am a female with a female therapist. i think about her sexually as well as being a friend after termination, neither of which will happen i am sure. i can never wait until the next session and is all i ever think about. i am really worried about termination and i feel i won't be able to deal with it without going crazy.
we have not discussed transferrence issues yet. i refuse to bring it up. i am hoping she will ask me, and even then i might not say anything about it. i am also a gay female and i dont want to scare her in any way.
Also, is counter-transference as common as transference?? I feel so dependent i cant stand it.. Thank you..
Caroline, South Carolina, USA
How do I tell if my therapist is genuine?
How do you know as a client whether the interaction you have with your therapist is genuine or just the reaction of a very well trained practitioner?
I don’t trust my therapist
Sometimes I think I am just addicted to therapy and can not get out of it. I have been through some wretched experiences lately. I wish I could get help but I really do not know where to go for help.
I do not trust my current therapist. She has done a couple of things that I was shocked by. I am trying to sort out whether these things were called for on her part or not. I feel she uses my words against me. Uses the information I give her to set up traps.
Is it me being uncooperative or is it her being a bad therapist or something in between? I guess I'd have to devulge more here to really get any answers. But I am new here. I am glad I found this site though. Helps me know I am not alone however I get the feeling that therapy and transference is a bit like drug addiction. I live in Minneapolis (I know how boring)
Is it okay to fantasize about my therapist?
Is it okay for me to fantasize sexually about my therapist? Will this prove detrimental to the therapeutic process?
I am doing my best to resist it, but I also don't want to make too much of it. I sorta feel like it's only natural and normal to fantasize about persons I find sexually attractive, and I am trying to undo my conflation of sex and shame.
On the other hand, I am afraid that if I do, I will someday have to admit it to her. I definitely do not want to discuss a sexual attraction. I am considering opening up about the transference that is precipitating this, but I do not feel it would be necessary or beneficial to mention this part.
What is your take?
P.S. We are mainly focusing on CBT, not standard talk therapy.
Dorothy (CA, USA)
My fantasies are getting out of control.
I need to get over my obsession with him and am hoping I can. I still think we would be great for each other. We grew up in the same area and he is about 10-12 years older than me. I have always been attracted to older, intelligent men. I do have a boyfriend that I have been with for over 25 years but he is not smart enough for me. We do have a satisfying sex life but I love the shrink for his smart intellect, sense of humor and caring abilities. I am definitly,"shrink-rapt"!!
I want to get over him and am hoping to find some relief from websites like this. At least I know I am not alone. A lot of people are experiencing what I am. I just wish he would reach out to me now that we are no longer patients of his. Is this still taboo? We are not patients anymore and it has been over a year since my son and I have seen him. I would love to invite him to a casual lunch but don't have the guts to ask. I am afraid of rejection.
Why is it viewed as "breaking boundaries" if two people could possibly connect and could both have more meaningful lives? I am pretty sure he lives alone, I heard that from a reliable source at our behavioral health facility. This receptionist just kept on talking about him to me when I asked questions about him, probably not the right thing for her to do either. She seemed to be fanning the flames.
I do have one thought in the back of my mind, however, and I must finish with it. He may be a homosexual. I am not sure but maybe he is in the closet. I can't imagine someone like him being all alone. I wish I could know that and then maybe I could get over him.
I really am stuck here with these feelings, please give me some advice so I can move on with my life. Thank you, ShrinkLady!
Tina (Reno, NV, USA)
How do I bring transference up?
I have recognized that I am experiencing transference with my counselor. I still have issues of fear of talking about things because of always having bad repercussion from my child hood.
She is a great counselor and I want to work through this but I do not know how to bring it up and talk to her about it.
Can you give me some advise on that?
Lost and Curious (Illinois, USA)
Can I heal from transference on my own?
I'm really confused with this whole transference issue. I recognize that I'm having very strong transference feelings for my therapist right now... and I also recognize that I've done this in the past with other people as well -- where I feel an overwhelming attachment for no logical reason.
It is very painful for me because I feel sooo dependent. I'm finding any excuse I can to have a reason to contact him between sessions... and find that just a simple phone call or e-mail from him can literally turn my day around. But when I don't have any contact, each day between sessions seems to last forever. This is not a healthy way to live!
I also recognize that I seem to have all the major pre-disposing factors to this: Early childhood neglect, mom died when I was six, neglectful / abusive family dynamics after that.
Here's my question though... is there any way to work through these feelings and achieve healing on one's own?!? Two reasons I ask -- one is that I'd be mortified to bring up the intensity of the feelings with my therapist... I know where they stem from, and I know I'm not 'in love' with him, etc... but I'd be really embarassed to talk about this and I don't know how he'd react. I'm also quite worried that he'd take steps to eliminate any extra contact with me so as not to make the problem 'worse'...but in so doing it would remove the little bit of comfort I get from that extra contact!
The other reason is that my husband is really getting unhappy with the amount of money spent on therapy and does not want me to continue if at all possible. He won't absolutely prevent me... but he does not see the value for the money, and feels that normal, relatively healthy people (which I do consider myself to be) do not need this. I can see his point... and I almost see it as an addiction... I'm willing to pay almost anything in order to have time with my therapist... because of these transference feelings... so how do I get out of this loop?!??!? I recognize the source... I feel the pain... how do you go from feeling to healing?
Kats, Ontario, Canada
I’m obsessing over my therapist
I have been in therapy for approx. 6 months now, and am having huge issues with transference. So much so that I am starting to pull away from my therapist.
I was making great progress, until my feelings for her just got too be too much. I was thinking of her all the time, wanting to be with her, having sexual feeling. I do realize that this is all part of transference, but I am very vulnerable right now, and am having a hard time separating my feelings and the realization of transference.
I should bring this up to her and explain how I am feeling, but I do not want to scare her away. We do work well together, and she has been there for me through some really rough times. Any advice would be appreciated.
Kel (Texas, USA)
My email contact was suddenly dropped
Reading these comments has been so helpful in helping me realize what has been transpiring between my therapist and me the last 7 months. I went initially to see her to be hypnotized to stop smoking - however, I continued going to see her for therapy and began interactive hypnotherapy. Covering issues and fears of abandonment. (I was adopted) and a heterosexual female.
She's 12 years older than me. Several times a week for the past 6 months I would email her and she would respond with such kind, caring, positive ideas. I would come home from work and sit at the computer waiting for her to respond - and she always did usually within 12 hours. Sometimes she would respond from her Blackberry. I was beginning to feel sexual feelings for her which completed freaked me out! I was aware, and expressed this to her several times that she had qualities that I wish my Mother had. That she always makes me feel so secure and safe.
Just this last Tuesday, we had an ice storm and I became worried about her. I emailed her to let me know that she was okay, and the response I got was devastating. She asked me not to email her any longer between sessions. Keep my questions for our therapy appointments just like she does with all her other clients. That she loves her clients and working with them - including me, but that she only has so much energy and time, and would kill herself if she tries to meet everybody's needs and not her own. The tone of the email was 180 degrees from what she has written before.
We have an appointment in two days - as it's driving me crazy what I did that made her not want to interact with me anymore between sessions. We both are educated and were very complimentary towards either other. I understand now it is transference. This is very different for me as I just recently let the 'guard' down and allowed myself to feel feelings and emotions. I'm not sure how to handle this situation as I feel such a loss now.
Thank you for website!
** Please understand that not all questions are dealt with in the free eCourse. Some are covered in Therapy Bootcamp.
Click here to begin the course: --> Being overly attached to your therapist